Lean vs. strong – it’s an interesting debate and one that I think a lot of women struggle with, particular women who lift heavy or Crossfit. Now, before I go any further, and everyone shouts “BUT YOU CAN BE LEAN & STRONG” – yes, I know you can. I’m not saying that you can’t be both lean and strong; in fact, I think it’s very possible. It’s also very difficult and at some point, a choice is made – get lean or get strong or try to do both at once. At some point, you have to step back and assess and define what your goals are, where that motivation is coming from, and what you’re going to do about it. Obviously, it is usually the goal to be as strong as you can be, at the lowest weight you can be so that every pound has a purpose. It is rarely a linear progression to get to that point. You have to prioritize one or the other at some point (just like figure competitors often have to focus on either building muscle or losing fat) and I think that point is reached at a different time for everyone. That’s what this post is about. Whew, now that that’s out of the way – let’s talk.
[Photo by Joshua Winn. Property of Crossfit Full Circle/Jason Struck.]
I recently lost 8lbs of muscle during my 30-day Whole30 challenge – no fat, just muscle. I did some things wrong – not eating enough for starters – and this muscle loss had a weird affect on me. Here is a little snippet of what I wrote the day I found out (day 31):
“I liked what I saw in the mirror this morning – I knew I had lost some weight. My abs were tighter – I definitely had more arm definition. I felt good. My gym session wasn’t great but I didn’t expect it to be – I knew the two lifts I was trying to PR were my most difficult and I was okay with trying to hit that PR, missing it, and getting in some good practice instead. I weighed in and saw that I was 8lbs down – STOKED. That was great. After my workout, it was body fat time. The only caliper measurement that went down was my tricep (hey, I’ll take that!). Everything else went up. Weird. My coach crunched the numbers and it turns out, I lost 8lbs of muscle.”
[Photo by Joshua Winn. Property of Crossfit Full Circle/Jason Struck.]
You can imagine the confusion that ensued. Athletically, I had felt pretty good during the challenge because I wasn’t sluggish from sugar and wine. I felt strong during most of my workouts but looking back, I noticed that I also didn’t feel “awesome”. I felt strongest on my O-lifts – no surprise there – but I noticed a lot of notes like, “felt harder than it should”, “really difficult”, etc. next to items like pull ups and bench press at percentages and rep schemes that SHOULD NOT have been that difficult. I also really struggled with eating post-workout – my stomach didn’t seem to like it too much but I did it. The writing was on the wall and I just glossed over it at the time. I think deep down I knew I had lost a bit of strength.
When I got my full results, I was pissed – 8lbs of PURE MUSCLE (okay and probably some water & bloat too), gone. I train hard 5 days a week, having been lifting more/WOD-ing less, eating as much as I can stomach, and then 8 lbs of muscle GONE. My first thought was: “I want those 8lbs back”.”
My reaction caught me off-guard in a BIG way. If this were to happen a year ago, or hell, even 6 months ago, I would have been ecstatic. The fact that I wasn’t that excited came as a surprise to me – I was genuinely shocked at how not happy I was. I felt like I had taken 5 steps back in my progress (UH, I swear I’m not dramatic or anything…) and it was irritating. Would I have felt differently if I hadn’t lost any muscle or at least lost some fat? YES. Undoubtedly, I would have been MUCH more over-the-moon about an 8lb loss. I would have still been curious about why my slow lifts weren’t progressing and why certain things were feeling difficult. But, I think I would have reacted differently.
[Photo by Joshua Winn. Property of Crossfit Full Circle/Jason Struck.]
I forced myself to look on the bright side. I told myself that, without this result from the Whole30, I wouldn’t have thought to take a more detailed look at my caloric intake – much less think about increasing it. I reminded myself of how grateful I was for this experience and how I learned SO much about myself, my habits around food, and how food affects me. I reminded myself that I did something important – I learned what doesn’t work for me. But still, I couldn’t let of the fact that my reaction was so different than what I anticipated. Why did an 8lb loss affect me that way?
The conclusion I came to was this: I guess being “lean” isn’t as much of a priority as I THOUGHT it was – in fact, I’m not even sure where it ranks right now.
There it was – that was the issue that was really bothering me. I begin to ask myself – what are my priorities & where does weight loss/leanness rank? What are my goals? Are they realistic? What do I need to do to achieve them? At what cost? I know my goals, I do think they are realistic, but I don’t know the answer to the other two questions. I suppose I know what I need to do in the gym but am less clear nutrition wise. Also, why are my priorities in the order they are in? Are they good, reasonable, and mentally sound? Or do I need to re-evaluate?
[Photo by Joshua Winn. Property of Crossfit Full Circle/Jason Struck.]
I decided to really think about this and re-evaluate.
FACT: I AM more comfortable at this weight. I’ve been here before and I like it. I’m happier with how my body looks.
FACT: My body FEELS so much better without sugar, grains, etc.
FACT: I really don’t like my strength loss.
I asked myself:
- Does being leaner make me happy? YUP.
- Does being strong make me happy? YES.
- Which makes me happier? Furthermore, do I really have to choose? I don’t know. That’s the problem. The fact that I’m was bothered by my muscle loss makes me think that being strong mattered to me more – but I almost felt “guilty” or “wrong” about that.
Quite honestly – I felt like I was WRONG to want to prioritize strength over leanness. I felt like I had no “real” justification for putting strength over leanness – I’m not a competitive athlete (although I have no objections to competing in the near future), I’m not training for an event/competition that requires strength (you know, except life)…and the more I thought about this the more I realized how much BULLSHIT was running through my head. THIS was the result of society-driven pressures to be lean & feminine and my own insecurities undermining my own goal of being really effing strong.
[Photo by Joshua Winn. Property of Crossfit Full Circle/Jason Struck.]
After over-analyzing, writing, and thinking way too much I’ve come to realize why this is so difficult for me – I FEEL like I SHOULD care about being lean. I, obviously, care about being healthy first and foremost, and being “lean” doesn’t necessarily equate to that for everyone. I could stand to lose weight, my body fat percentage is in the healthy range, and overall, I’m healthier than I have ever been. Still, I feel like I’m SUPPOSED to want to be lean more than anything else – I’m a woman, I should care about having a six pack or jacked arms right? After thinking about it some more, it hit me:
I really, truly, don’t give a shit about having a six pack.
I care more about being healthy more than anything else. Somewhere along the line, that stopped including a number on a scale, body fact percentage, or the visibility of my abs. Maybe I just got sick of caring about what I look like, maybe I just finally grew into my own skin a bit more, or maybe, I just truly stopped caring about those things. Now, let me very clear, I don’t think it’s bad/shallow/whatever other judgmental word you want to put here to have a goal of being lean. I highly respect people who work hard to reach their body composition goals (in a healthy way) – it is HARD work and takes a lot of dedication. That was my goal for a long, long time. I get it. But at this specific point, I don’t desire leanness.
[Photo by Joshua Winn. Property of Crossfit Full Circle/Jason Struck.]
I’m not sure when it happened, but I stopped obsessing about my body composition and then, my body responded. My waist got smaller, my quads got huge, my lats and shoulders outgrew every button down shirt I own, and my stomach got a little more defined – but more importantly, I got STRONG. I went from being able to deadlift 145lbs for 3 reps to having a 230lb deadlift. I went from having to use over 100lbs of pull up assistance to having an unassisted kipping pull up. So heavy squats will make me a stronger, better human being but make my butt and quads get big and make jeans fit awkwardly? Don’t care, that’s why they make yoga pants. Dresses with side zippers are nearly impossible because of my lats and my progress towards an unassisted strict pull up? Eh, I’m not really a dress girl anyways.
But still, I feel weird about thinking this way.
Correction: I FEEL like I SHOULD feel weird about thinking this way. But I don’t.
And now, I’m okay with that.
Tagged: crossfit, fat loss, lean, muscle, paleo, priorities, six pack, strength, weightlifting
I'm Gabby. A 24 year old gluten-free kitchen explorer, Crossfitter, and freelance recipe developer and food photographer sharing my life one recipe, workout, and photo at a time. 
Your truth and honesty here is awesome. I think it is great that you have been able to really evaluate your goals, and decide what YOU want… not what you SHOULD want. The debate about Lean vs Strong is one that will go on forever, it just comes down to defining your own goals and going after them. And being ok with that. This is an awesome post – thanks for sharing!
Thanks Courtney!
this is an amazing post.
Thank you
Can I just tell you that I think you are beautiful, “lean” or not? I was actually talking to my husband about you last night when we were discussing training and strength, I literally told him “look at my friend Gabby, she’s strong and gorgeous, and hasn’t even been doing CF for that long!” I’m in constant admiration of you and think you could be a competitor in a big way.
You just made me blush Meg! Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate your kind words and support
I’m SO bummed I can’t go to Blend Retreat and hang out again!
I love reading your posts, Gabby.. they’re always so well written and really can feel your emotion when you write!
I was thinking about this same thing last night, when talking to my cousin about men being intimidated by women with muscle. Like they associate women with muscle as bulky, scary body building types, not strong, Crossfit body types.
As much as I think I would LOVE to do a figure competition someday just to see how hot I could look (and I mean that in the least egotistical way.. haha); on the other hand, I would LOVE to deadlift 300lbs, or squat 2x my bodyweight. I would love to LOOK strong, but I think I would feel even more awesome to just BE strong. I bet you could outlift any of those women that have six packs, which in my book makes you even more hardcore.
HA thank you!
Love love love your honesty in this post. I think it totally depends on your body type whether or not you can be strong and lean at the same time. I also think you need to find the right combo of what works for you as far as eating and it’s not the same for everyone. Obviously whole 30 wasn’t the best for you because you had trouble eating enough and it doesn’t sound like you felt all that well (or that strong) during it. It’s awesome that you are learning so much about your priorities!! Plus, being strong is pretty awesome.
Thanks Amanda! The Whole30 was great for me in terms of mental change but I did have a lot of struggles. I definitely think everyone is different and nutrition, especially, is an individual thing!
Gabby, this is such an important post! While I know that leanness and strength are not mutually exclusive, I find myself in a similar place as you. I’m the strongest I’ve ever been and my weight is at an all time high. (Not all due to muscle; I’m still working on the nutrition piece…). Even when you know you’re getting stronger, having to buy bigger jeans (’cause your butt is larger) and larger dress shirts (because your back is wider) still does a number on your brain. Good for you for figuring out what’s important!
Thanks Tamara!
Hands down one of the BEST posts I have read in a long LONG time. I have had the same realizations before on what are my true goals? I decided health and happiness is my true goal…not lean. Having lean as the constant societal goal and something I had always thought I “needed to be” made it hard to give up that goal, but I’m a much happier or more fulfilled fitness lover for it. Great, great, great post!
THANK YOU so much Tina! Seriously blushing over here. I found that once I stopped caring about how my body looked, my entire outlook was better & I truly enjoy working out more because of it!
A. can your photographer start following me around???
B. Really insightful post!! I have to admit I totally want six pack abs, vain, maybe..but I’ll own it. Not sure how happy I’d be to hear I was getting it by losing muscle since long term where would that get me. I think this is kind of why I just don’t support any specific diet plan. While most have some positive points, I think the end result is usually not sustainable or has other lasting effects from being unbalanced.
Isn’t he awesome?! He is also one badass Crossfitter!
Thanks! I think it takes time to find something sustainable and that it can be frustrating – ultimately it’s totally individual.
I just can’t figure it out either. i recently had to stop running for a month and i was forced to use the weights and do the cross training that i skipped while half marathon training. I loved the changes i got in my over 50 arms and abs! but, now that I am back to running, not sure if I will work the time back in for it. Lean for running or strong for looks? maybe both? working it out.. this is a great post..
It’s definitely tough to balance!
I feel the same way! I’m nowhere near where you are, but even though I have a folder full of cross fit girl for inspiration, my passion for fashion keeps getting in the way, and I keep thinking how certain things will fit, or how it will look to have a dainty dress on with powerful muscles coming out of every opening…I think, though, in the end I’m going to have to get over the look part, mostly because I’m built big already – I have broad shoulders and thick muscular legs from my years as a gymnast, and I like my legs. I would never want to lose muscle in exchange for being thin and willowy.
Anyway, thanks for letting me feel like I’m not alone.
You’re definitely NOT alone in feeling that way – I know lots of girls who feel the same. I’m definitely not meant to be a “small” girl and as long as there are yoga pants, I’ll keep my big legs
Awesome post ,and definitely great way to reflect on this. You’re lucky to have being able to have such a thorough post-challenge evaluation, in terms of body fat % not just the weight lost. It sucks that you lost muscle. But it sounds like it was a very insightful experience for you so I think that’s really what matters. You learned something new about yourself that you can use to your advantage.
Thanks Kammie. It was definitely a HUGE learning experience – very, very valuable.
LOVED this post! I am not one on the 30 day challenge but I have found a way to be strong & lean but not as lean as many on that challenge. Like you, I have decided what I think works best for me & with 30++ years under my belt & lots & lots of mistakes & learning every day even now, it is all about what is right for you & your goals! LOVE!
Thank you!
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I stumbled upon this post from Lindsay’s “Bean Bytes.” I adore this post so much, Gabby. I hear you in so many ways, on so many different levels. Awesome post!
Thank you so much Sarah!!
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Great post Gabby. So inspirational!
Thanks Whitney!
AWESOME article. I am having that conversation with myself a lot lately. I gained some weight due to a medical issue, and when I was strong enough to get back to the gym, I decided to focus on lifting heavy. I’ve fallen in love with it, so it’s all I do–but as a result, I have only gained weight. I’ve lost 6 inches though, which got me really excited. Still, you’d never be able to tell that I’m lifting heavy by looking at me, because I still have a lot of extra fat. Part of me feels like I should do a wider variety of exercises so that I can drop weight first, but I just love lifting so much that I think I’m just going to choose to focus on being strong for now, and trust that the extra weight from fat will continue to melt away over time.
That’s great that you’ve fallen in love with lifting! It’s hard to beat the feeling of being strong! Sounds like you have a great plan
Hello! I stumbled onto your blog thanks to Tina’s linkages and really enjoyed this post! I think I’m going to be hanging around for a while
Thank you!
I love this post, your honesty and how you hit the nail on the head – we think we’re supposed to like looking a certain way because we’re females in this messed up society!! I have struggled with an ED since I was 8 years old!! My cousin (one of the only people in my family who knows how bad it’s been) asked me a few days ago if I was happy with my weight and my answer was “yes, because it’s as small as I can be without being considered underweight, yet I know that’s f’d up”. I guess it’s progress that I realize this perspective is WRONG and I am working really hard to finally change it. Thank you so much again for being honest!
First off, kudos to you for being incredibly brave and battling an ED. Second off, it’s AWESOME that you can recognize that you shouldn’t have to feel that way! I think that’s amazing progress!
I just came across your post from AMRAP4LIFE and I’m fighting the same issue from the opposite direction. I got norovirus around Christmas and lost 4 kilos of hard-earned muscle. I am struggling to get it back! It took six months of lifting and eating well to make it and a week to lose it – and I’ve always been on the ultra-lean side so I’m back to where I started, underweight and what I now perceive as underperforming in my lifts. I’m never going to be ‘strong’ – I have a small frame and a fast metabolism and struggle to bulk muscle so I’m totally envious of woment who can build easily. Having spent all my life being envied for my skinny build, I finally understand how difficult it is to want something you may never be able to have just because of your body type or through conflicting goals. But right now I want my muscles back!